Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Around The Clock
There's one criticism of polyamory that I find maybe the most puzzling and the most complimentary. It's the one that goes: "Who can have more than one relationship?! Too hard to schedule!"
It puzzles me because it seems to put actualizing one's love for a human being on the level of whether to rent a DVD boxed set ("Well, it's nice in theory, but I'd never get round to watching it in time...")
But the compliment is in the comment's tacit nod to the reality that polyamory is about far more than just sex. Let's face it: 'speak-for-yourself-Matt' laugh though the following claim will no doubt get, nobody really spends that much time -- as a percentage of their week -- rolling in the hay. Even the hours spent commuting, or trying to make up your mind as to whether farmers' markets delight you or irritate the crap out of you, dwarf the hours spent having sex.
I do have another favorite point I like to make about poly time management:
Terisa and I are decidedly part-time partners. I have a wife; Terisa has two main chaps with whom she lives. So our time together, though regular, is often rationed. But far from being a problem for the health of our relationship, that sparsity helps. We tend to savor our time with each other, even if it's spent working on a script or grocery shopping. It also gives us enforced buffers of air and retreat if, for example, we have a fight and need to cool off. So, neither of us feels really deprived.
Yep. Surrendering -- over time -- to the schedule one will realistically get with a given partner, is anything but surrender. Because far from bringing matters to a halt, it will more likely keep them going.